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Melissa Fares is a 20 year-old student from Wilton, CT who is studying psychology at Smith College and blogging at Womankind. In the letter below, she is writing to herself at 13 when she was getting ready to go to her new school and be seen by her new friends. At the time, she says she was trying to “figure out Continue reading
We had our father’s 89th birthday celebration over Memorial Day weekend this year. My brother, three sisters and I had planned on a 90th birthday bash, but our stepmother suggested this year might be better. There would be a better chance of Dad being able to enjoy it. Continue reading
Posted in Ellyn's Blog, Family, Health
Tagged Ellyn Spragins, family, fathers, letters to my younger self, Love, motherhood
This letter is from 48-year-old Hanne Ankerson written to herself at age 25.
Hanne just had her first baby. Her husband had a good job, and she had about three semesters left before finishing her master’s degree in political science. Continue reading
This is a letter from Wendy Long to her younger self at age 24.
Wendy had just obtained a computer programming certificate from Chubb Institute, and was living in Bushkill Falls, PA. The family moved there when the kids were 10 months and almost four, and her husband relished the fact that she was stuck there without a car. There were 80 acres of nothing in front, and 80 acres of nothing behind. It was beyond lonely. He’d leave for work with the car in the morning and not return until he felt like it, typically after he’d had some fun with one of his many women on the side. Wendy’s focus was the children, and her ten-year plan, getting out of her misery.
Wendy took a job at Prudential in December of 1987. They moved back to New Jersey, where her husband announced it was her turn to work and pay the bills. She slowly began to feel some self-worth, and started to speak up for herself. That wasn’t a good idea. The more she spoke up, the more he lashed out. One evening, Wendy decided to let him know she didn’t feel it was appropriate to carry on with another woman the way he was. His anger reached a point where Wendy knew her ten-year plan would not work. She needed to get out. That night he actually picked up the couch, with her on it, and threw it across the room. Her son hovered behind the bedroom door, peering out to make sure she was alright. She decided to just lay there and not say a word.
Another significant event happened. Wendy met a woman who had been raised in a home with an abusive relationship. When she was grown, the woman asked her mom, “Why did you wait so long to leave our father?” The mother’s response was, “Because I needed to keep the family together.” The woman’s response was, “We were never a family.” At that moment, Wendy knew in her heart she would be better as a single mother then they would ever be as a family. She booked a ticket to England to go visit her parents with her two kids, and let them know she had to leave her husband.
Dear Wendy,
You just made a significant decision in your life, one that you were going to wait to act upon until the kids were older. You have the strength to pull your children out of a very bad environment, but you are drawn to abusive relationships. Why can’t you learn?
You always care about everyone else, except yourself. You are a special person. I wish you could see that. You have a wonderful heart, but you never consider yourself worthwhile enough to be treated with respect by a man. You think back on that horrible event that happened when you were 12. You choose to believe it was your fault, bury the awful memory and move on. You never told a soul until you had the courage to say the word rape to your therapist. No one has the right to do what he did to you at such a young age, and steal something so precious. You wish you didn’t believe it was your fault. Things in your life may have been very different. Then again, no matter how horrible, things do happen for a reason, and you are a stronger person from that tragic event.
You make many mistakes and bad choices, but again, something very special can come from something not so good. You have wonderful parents who are fabulous role models. You need to learn to open up more, and let people know you need help, or at the very least, accept it from those who offer. It’s not a sign of weakness.
You will go on to accomplish wonderful things in your life, raise three beautiful children, and touch many lives. You first need to like yourself, even love yourself, before you can one day love another. You will get there my friend.
Always learning the hard way,
Wendy
This letter is from 48-year-old Hanne Ankerson written to herself at age 25.
Hanne just had her first baby. Her husband had a good job and she was a graduate student with about three semesters left before finishing her master’s degree in political science.
Dear Hanne,
You are sitting at the dining room table trying to study for an important exam, but your attention is divided. Your baby daughter was just born two weeks ago and you are physically and emotionally exhausted. You should take a nap while your daughter sleeps, but, no, you are studying.
You take the six-hour written exam. You are allowed a half-hour break in the middle, so your husband brings your daughter in so that you can nurse her. What are you thinking? The next five months are a blur, because you are constantly tired. Your daughter doesn’t sleep well at night and she doesn’t sleep during the day either. You doggedly continue your studies. When your daughter is finally sleeping, you sit down to work, and when she wakes up, you are annoyed rather than happy to see her smiling face. You try to get her to entertain herself instead of taking time to play with her.
Why? You are so focused on achieving your master’s within the normal timeframe that you never take the time to be with your beautiful baby.
What’s another half year of your life? Nothing! What’s the first half-year of your daughter’s life? Irreplaceable!
Learn to live in the here and now instead of focusing too much on the future. You will end up not appreciating what is going on in your life. Remember, life is too short!
With regrets,
Hanne
Mary Chen-Eng joined Deutsche Bank in November 2009. As Head of U.S. Regional Finance, she’s responsible for overseeing all of the financial, regulatory and head office reporting for the various legal entities in the United States. She is the key contact for regulatory bodies and external auditors, and plays several other important roles in the organization.
Prior to joining DB, Mary was a Managing Director and the Deputy Chief Administrative Officer in Regional Management at Societe Generale for four years, as well as held various finance and accounting roles for 11 years.
This illustrious career was launched when Mary took her first job as an examiner at the New York Stock Exchange. It was not exactly her heart’s desire, but it was Wall Street. And it was the direction Mary’s parents wanted for her. Both her mother and father emigrated from Hong Kong, but met here in the United States. Mary’s father had been an engineer in China, but was unable to pursue that career here, so he worked in laundry in Brooklyn, where Mary grew up. Her mother, from a well-to-do family in Hong Kong, got a job as a seamstress in Manhattan.
Mary’s parents had high aspirations for their four daughters and, as the oldest, Mary felt the pressure of setting a good example. “In everything I did, I tried to excel,” she told Ellyn. Although she was eager to experience campus life by going to an out-of-state college, Mary complied with her parents’ wish that she live at home while attending New York University. Mary chose to write to her younger self at NYU, when she was trying to decide upon her career direction.
Dear Mary,
You are such an excellent daughter. So far you’ve followed your parents’ wishes willingly, despite some show of defiance. After all, they immigrated for a better life and they work so very hard. It doesn’t seem too much to ask that you conform to their choices for you. They have given you everything possible. You carry their hopes, dreams and aspirations.
But still, inside you, other desires beckon. You used to want to be a teacher or an engineer. And now you have chosen to major in business. You have taken your first business law course and now you want to be a lawyer. But your parents are saying, ‘No. That’s not for you.’
It’s hard to step outside the mold. It feels impossible to go after a career you are passionate about. Your parents wouldn’t understand. How would you even explain it to them? And so, even as you aspire to something that speaks uniquely to you, you know that you’ll take the safe route, the careful, secure path they are pointing you toward.
Mary, you’re not doing the wrong thing. But you don’t have to shut the door on passion forever. Do not let the safe choice today stop you from risk-taking and challenges tomorrow. Cultivate your desires to excel in your life. Try different activities, interests and jobs as you go along.
Also, know that your willingness to be the responsible first-born will bring you intense personal gratification later. You’ll be able to persuade your parents to let your next oldest sister go out of state to college. You’ll influence your younger twin sisters’ decisions to go into non-traditional careers like social work and occupational therapy.
Most importantly, your father will be so proud that he’ll carry your business cards around to show to acquaintances. The two of you will develop an even deeper relationship when he elects to live with you. He will choose to care for your kids while you focus on your career. And then, by the time cancer takes him so quickly at age 67, there will be nothing that is left unsaid between you. You will have lived up to your parents’ hopes, dreams and aspirations for a good life, as well as your own.
With pride in you,
Mary
This was written by Marie McNamara at age 40 in West Hartford, Connecticut to herself at age 23.
It was just after college when Marie was still trying to figure out what she was doing in life. Those years were very blurry – she had no idea in what direction she was heading. At times she was living with her parents, but staying with friends on weekends and was afraid of making a commitment to anything.
______________________________________________________________________
Dear Marie,
You just received a phone call that one of your college roommates was in a car accident. She’s in a New Haven hospital with a shattered pelvis. Pins had to be put in to hold it together.
Sure, you lost touch with each other this past year. You don’t even know the name of the boy she was with.
What was she doing in the back of that Jeep? And just where is Saint Raphael’s? Not THAT part of the city. What if you get lost?
You call her mother and she doesn’t call you back. You don’t know where to go. Plus, you hate hospitals. And what if you cry? The excuses start building, as always. What you don’t realize is that 17 years later you will have only seen her twice. Boy, you will miss her.
Marie – GO. Call the hospital, ask for directions and get in that little red Honda. You are so much stronger than you think. Just show up. This will become your mantra.
In the years ahead, you will find yourself happily married with young children. You will become the constant contact between your four brothers when you find out that dad has bladder cancer. You will pick up your father from various doctor’s appointments, with three kids under four years old strapped in their seats. You will help your mother deal with his side effects of chemotherapy and keep all of the doctor’s orders straight. You will confidently drive through the “bad” part of the city, seven months pregnant to visit him every day as that cruel disease takes him faster than any of you expected. You will stand up and give part of his eulogy and, eight weeks later, give birth to your fourth child, a beautiful little girl with his big brown eyes.
You are capable of so much more than you think.
Just show up.
Marie
Posted in Family, Friendship, Health, Letters, Support
Tagged family, Friendship, Health, Support
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